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The Three Things I Hate


So there are three things I hate, and I get to deal with them all at once here in California.  The thing I hate the most is lines and traffic.  So I end up getting a job that is three hours away from where we currently live.  That doesn’t mean it’s 200 miles away.  It’s only about 80 miles, give or take.  But it’s 80 miles in grinding traffic.  From that I have learned that the car is a much more useful tool when it is allowed to go faster than a fat man can walk.  So, essentially, I and millions of other Californians are doing it wrong.  We don’t know how to car.

Clearly we need to move closer to my job, which brings us to the second thing I hate.  House hunting.

We pass this a lot, but I don't know what it is.

We pass this a lot, but I don’t know what it is.

We can only afford a house up to about $500,000.  Even now I can’t believe I used the word “only” in that sentence, but there it is.  If you want a nice house in a convenient spot with good schools, you need to start at $800,000.  But a million would be better.  So, with $500,000, we’re at the level of all the other poor, unkept trash.  We’ve looked at homes older than I am where people have recently died.  We’ve looked at homes where people are clearly in the process of dying.  And we’ve looked at houses that we’d rather die than live in.  And if we find one that’s good, you can count in seconds how long it takes to end up in a bidding war.  And since I left all my bags of gold and jewels on an uncharted island, we can’t really do the bidding war thing.

But, to date, we’ve bid on three houses at the same time.  We might win one or two of them.  One because the guy is desperate to sell.  The mello roos tax on the house adds $550/month to it.  So, awesome on that whole house-poor thing.  But we’ll probably get one of them.  $500,000+ and I’ll still be an hour commute away (still beats three hours).  But then we get to do the third thing I hate.


We’ll pack up our meager belongings again, put them in a truck, have some big guys help us with the heavy stuff, and have it carted to our new house, where a third of it will be broken.  It won’t be 3,000 miles like the last time, but it will still suck.

So the three thing I hate the most, that I imagine Hell would have reserved for me if I weren’t so incredibly awesome, I’m already doing.  Hell hath no sway over me, because I’m already there.

Just awesome.

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